Please Don't Take My Baby Read online

  ‘Good morning, love,’ I said.

  ‘I’m tired,’ she mumbled. ‘I didn’t get any sleep.’

  ‘Welcome to the world of motherhood,’ I said with a smile. ‘But it’s worth it.’

  Chapter Thirteen

  Assessment

  The rest of the week passed in a blur of bottles, nappies, visitors, telephone calls, shopping and teaching Jade how to parent Courtney. What I needed to know about looking after babies came flooding back to me and in addition to showing Jade how to make up formula and wash and sterilize bottles, I showed her how to wash and bathe Courtney, clean and cream her bottom, and soothe her when she was fractious, as well as simply spending quality time with Courtney and enjoying her, all of which bonds a mother with her baby.

  My parents visited as planned on Sunday and arrived with a present and a congratulatory card for Jade. Jade already had some cards, including one from her social worker, one from Tyler’s mother and one from me and the children. I’d told her that when she felt up to it I would take her shopping and she could choose something she needed for Courtney as a present. Jade was like an excited child as she unwrapped the present from my parents, which was a beautiful little dress with matching leggings, jacket and bootees. Jade thanked my parents, although I had the feeling that she was a bit disappointed, perhaps assuming it was a personal present for her.

  As I thought would happen, my father was as besotted with Courtney as my mother was, and they took turns holding Courtney and chatted easily to Jade – both about her baby and her plans for the future. Jade told them she hoped to go back to college and continue her studies when Courtney was older. My father said he thought that was sensible and I could tell he was impressed. Then over dinner he kept us all amused with stories of when my brother and I were little and some of the silly things we got up to, which made Adrian and Paula laugh loudly and Jade giggle. It was a very pleasant day and, as when I’d taken Jade and Tyler on the day trip to the castle, we were like one big happy family. I was pleased Jade had relaxed and enjoyed herself.

  After my parents had gone home Jade said to me: ‘I wish I had a gran and grandpa like them. They’re so nice.’

  ‘Yes, we’re very lucky,’ I said. ‘But I’m sure your mum will be a good gran to Courtney. Have you told your dad yet you’ve had your baby?’ For I knew there was some estrangement in the family and that often the arrival of a baby can help to repair past differences.’

  ‘Mum said she’d tell him,’ Jade said.

  I took Jade to see her mother on Tuesday afternoon. In preparation for the outing I showed Jade how to pack a ‘baby bag’, which included nappies, wipes, disposable nappy bags, cream and a change of clothes for Courtney. Jade was amazed at the preparation needed for a few hours away from home, having previously simply put on her coat and gone. I also showed her how to fasten Courtney safely into the carry-car seat – not that Jade had a car or could drive, but it was all part of educating Jade and giving her as much parenting information as possible for now and the future. At Jade’s house I said hello to Jackie but didn’t go in, as she had just got in from work. I returned as arranged to collect Jade after I’d collected Paula from school. When Jade got into the car I asked her if she’d had a nice afternoon. She shrugged and said, ‘I guess so. But Mum keeps telling me what to do with Courtney.’

  ‘I’m sure she was just trying to help you,’ I said. But I knew there was a fine line between offering helpful advice and giving the impression that you know best. No mother likes to be told how to raise her child (with the implicit criticism that she’s not doing it right), especially when she’s a teenager whose relationship with her mother is already fragile.

  Rachel visited us on Wednesday and stayed for most of the morning. Courtney was awake to begin with and Rachel held her and made a fuss of her. Then she watched Jade feed and change her, and then settle her in the cot, while I waited in the sitting room. When they returned Rachel made some notes, which I assumed would go towards Jade’s parenting assessment, and then asked us about Courtney’s routine. Jade said it was ‘fine’ and I filled in the details and described the routine we were establishing for Courtney, emphasizing what a good job Jade was doing.

  ‘Excellent,’ Rachel said, making another note. ‘Is Tyler still visiting?’

  Jade nodded. ‘Sometimes.’

  ‘Most evenings,’ I said. ‘And he helps feed and change Courtney.’

  ‘But not always,’ Jade said a bit gruffly. ‘He’s not here during the day.’

  ‘He’s at school then,’ Rachel pointed out.

  ‘Yeah, I know. But it’s not fair. He can come and go as he likes but I’m stuck here all the time.’ Jade had said something similar to me the evening before, resenting that Courtney was more her responsibility than she was Tyler’s. I’d said that even in two-parent families the mother often assumed the greater responsibility for the practical aspects of parenting. And of course as a single parent Jade was going to have even more responsibility – something she perhaps hadn’t fully considered until now.

  ‘Jade’s quite tired,’ I said to Rachel to excuse her negativity. ‘I’m helping her all I can. I took her to see her mother yesterday.’

  ‘How did that go?’ Rachel asked Jade.

  ‘OK, I guess,’ Jade said with a shrug.

  ‘I’ll be visiting Jackie later this week,’ Rachel said. ‘I’ll tell her how well you are doing.’

  I was pleased Rachel was being so positive. She then asked Jade about her postnatal check-up and I confirmed she had an appointment at the hospital in a month and that the health visitor would be visiting us on Friday. I also said we would be going to the clinic every week to have Courtney weighed and measured.

  ‘Excellent,’ Rachel said, making another note and smiling at Jade.

  Rachel then produced some forms from her bag and explained they were to enable Jade to claim benefit for her and her baby. She handed them to Jade but said they were lengthy and complicated, and suggested I help Jade fill them in, which of course I was happy to do. Rachel then said she’d like to have a chat with Jade alone and I left the two of them in the sitting room. They spoke for about ten minutes while I busied myself in the kitchen; then Rachel thanked me for all I was doing and I saw her to the door.

  That evening Meryl, the teacher from Jade’s school, visited, having heard that Jade had had her baby. She gave Jade a congratulatory card, which I stood on the mantelpiece in the sitting room with the others, and also a Mothercare gift voucher for £30, which was a collection from the staff at school.

  ‘We didn’t know what baby things you needed,’ Meryl said. ‘So you can choose something.’

  Jade thanked her and I suggested she might like to take Meryl upstairs to see Courtney, who was asleep in her cot.

  ‘Oh, yes please,’ Meryl said.

  Jade hauled herself off the sofa and the two of them went up to Jade’s room, where they stayed talking quietly for about fifteen minutes. Then only Meryl came down and into the sitting room, where I was reading to Paula.

  ‘Jade says she’s going to have a sleep, so I’ve said goodbye,’ Meryl said. ‘I’ll be off now. Thank you.’ Although it was only 7.30 I appreciated that Jade, still recovering from the birth and exhausted from having to get up at night, was tired. I too felt tired from a week of broken nights.

  I went with Meryl to the front door. ‘How’s Jade doing?’ Meryl asked.

  ‘Yes. Very well,’ I said. ‘She needs help, obviously, but that’s only to be expected.’

  ‘No more binge drinking, then?’ Meryl asked.

  ‘No,’ I confirmed.

  Meryl nodded thoughtfully. ‘Good. Don’t repeat this,’ she said, lowering her voice in confidentiality, ‘but a lot of the staff at school don’t think Jade has what it takes to look after her baby and the sooner she’s adopted the better. I’m more optimistic. I think she can make it. I’ll tell them she’s doing well.’

  ‘Yes, do,’ I said. ‘And please stop by again.
I’m sure Jade would like to see you. She must be getting fed up with just looking at me.’

  Meryl smiled, thanked me and we said goodbye.

  Jade was still fast asleep at eight o’clock when Courtney woke for a feed, so I decided not to wake her, as the sleep would do her good. I quietly took Courtney out of her cot and went downstairs, where I warmed up a bottle and sat on the sofa in the sitting room and fed her. Paula was in bed but not asleep and soon appeared downstairs in her pyjamas. She sat with me and held Courtney’s little hand while I fed her. Once the bottle was empty and I’d winded Courtney, Paula kissed her goodnight. I took Paula back to her bed, where she kissed Courtney again, and then I went into Jade’s bedroom where, with the light on low so that I wouldn’t disturb Jade, I changed Courtney and settled her in her cot. ‘Night night,’ I whispered and came out.

  They were both still soundly asleep when I checked on them before I went to bed at eleven o’clock, although I noticed Jade had changed into her nightwear, so she must have woken at some point and gone back to sleep. Courtney was now in a pattern of four-hourly feeds and woke for her next feed just after midnight. I heard her cries and went round the landing and into their bedroom.

  ‘Jade, love,’ I said, picking up Courtney so that her crying didn’t wake Adrian and Paula, ‘Courtney needs her bottle.’

  ‘Can’t you do it?’ she said, turning over. ‘I’m knackered.’

  I hesitated. ‘All right. Go back to sleep, then.’

  I wrapped the shawl around Courtney and carried her downstairs and through to the kitchen, where I warmed up a bottle, and then went into the sitting room and fed her. It was like old times, sitting on the sofa in the middle of the night and feeding a baby – first Adrian, then Paula, and Harrison. I held her close. Dear, sweet, little Courtney: she was such a beautiful baby and so easy to love. I hoped Jade appreciated just what a treasure she had in her. That Courtney hadn’t been damaged by Jade’s drinking was a miracle and I thanked God they’d both been given this second chance.

  Once Courtney had finished feeding and I’d winded her, I returned to Jade’s bedroom to change her and then I settled her in her cot. Jade was still fast asleep, now with one arm around her toy panda, Chi Chi. I went back to bed and four hours later I heard Courtney wake for her next feed. Slipping on my dressing gown I went round to Jade’s room.

  ‘Jade, love,’ I said. ‘Bottle time.’

  ‘Can’t you do it?’ she mumbled from beneath the duvet. ‘I’m still knackered.’

  Again I hesitated. ‘All right, but you have been in bed since seven thirty.’

  There was no reply, so I wrapped Courtney in her shawl and went downstairs, where I warmed up the formula and then fed her in the sitting room. She was hungry and took the bottle quickly, so I was in my bed again at 4.30 a.m. At 6.00 I was woken by the alarm and I climbed out of bed, showered and fell into the weekday routine, exhausted, but at least Jade had benefited from twelve hours’ sleep.

  Adrian, Paula and I were finishing breakfast when Courtney woke for her next feed. We heard her cry and I expected Jade to appear to warm up the bottle but she didn’t. After a few moments – when Courtney’s cries were escalating – I left Adrian and Paula to finish eating and I went upstairs and into Jade’s room. Jade had turned over in bed, away from Courtney, and had pulled the duvet over her head to try to block out the noise.

  ‘Jade, Courtney needs feeding,’ I said, going over to the cot and picking up Courtney.

  ‘I’m tired,’ came Jade’s muffled response from beneath the duvet. ‘Can you feed her?’

  ‘No, love,’ I said. ‘I have to take Paula to school soon.’

  There was no reply and no sign of Jade getting up, so after a moment and a little more firmly I said: ‘Jade, Courtney needs feeding. You have to warm a bottle now, love.’

  A few moments more passed as I waited and soothed Courtney, who was now mouthing for a teat. Jade suddenly threw back the duvet and with a face like thunder got out of bed and stomped off downstairs. I gently rocked Courtney until Jade reappeared, and once they were settled on the bed and Courtney was feeding, I said, ‘I’ll see you soon, then, Jade. Bye, love.’

  Jade managed a nod.

  By the time I returned home Jade had forgiven me for making her get up. She was in her nightwear in the kitchen cooking herself a fried breakfast, so I guessed she was feeling better. She made me a cup of tea and I drank it at the table while she ate her breakfast and I took the opportunity to say again that she was doing well. I then suggested that once Jill had been to see us we could take Courtney out in the pram and go for a little walk.

  ‘Why don’t we take the bus?’ Jade asked. ‘I always use the bus.’

  ‘That rather defeats the object of going for a walk,’ I said. ‘A breath of fresh air will do you and baby good. I think you can manage it now. See how you feel later.’

  Unconvinced, Jade finished her cooked breakfast and then made herself some toast and jam. She certainly had a good appetite, although I knew I should keep a watch on her diet, as she loved her fry-ups and sweet foods and had quite a few pounds to lose until she was a healthy weight.

  Jill arrived as arranged at 11.00 for one of her supervisory visits and was naturally eager to see Courtney, who was asleep in her cot. Jade was in the sitting room, where she’d been most of the morning, watching The Jeremy Kyle Show on television. Jill went through, said hello to Jade and gave her a congratulatory card. Jade thanked her without taking her eyes from the television.

  ‘I can’t wait to see Courtney,’ Jill said pointedly.

  ‘Cathy will show you,’ Jade said, still glued to the television and absently opening the card.

  ‘She will,’ I said, throwing Jill a knowing smile. ‘Come on, this way.’ Jill was a big fan of babies and could coochicoo over them for hours. ‘But you’ll have to be quiet,’ I warned. ‘Courtney’s sleeping.’

  ‘I will,’ Jill promised as we went upstairs. ‘How’s everything?’

  ‘All right,’ I said. ‘I’ll update you after you’ve seen Courtney.’

  I put my finger to my lips to remind Jill to be quiet as we crept into Jade’s room and to the cot. Jill’s face lit up the moment she saw Courtney, as I knew it would. ‘Oh, my, what a lovely baby!’ she breathed, clasping her hands together in delight. ‘What a treasure! And Rachel tells me she’s perfectly healthy. Thank goodness!’

  ‘Yes, she is, as far as we know,’ I said, sounding a note of caution. For Jill (and Rachel) appreciated, just as I did, that although Courtney was thankfully not suffering from foetal alcohol syndrome, she could have suffered more minor damage as a result of Jade’s drinking, which would only show up later – if she missed developmental milestones.

  ‘She’s a good size,’ Jill said, as we gazed at Courtney. ‘And she’s feeding and sleeping well?’

  ‘Yes. Very well. She’s in a four-hourly routine.’

  ‘Excellent.’ Jill made a few restrained cooing noises with some oohs and aahs, and then we crept out. ‘I need to speak to you before we go down,’ Jill said once we were out of the room.

  I stopped where we were on the landing and looked at Jill, slightly anxious.

  ‘It’s nothing to worry about,’ Jill said. ‘Rachel phoned and confirmed what I’d been thinking: that it could take months before a mother-and-baby placement is free in this area. Apparently, on her last visit Rachel explained this to Jade and Jade said she was happy to stay with you for now, but I need to know you’re happy with that arrangement too. We said at the start it would just be for a few weeks and now it’s looking more like months.’

  ‘Yes, that’s all right with me,’ I said. ‘I just worry that I am not doing everything I’m supposed to. I haven’t had the training that the mother-and-baby carers have.’

  ‘You’re doing a good job,’ Jill said. ‘Rachel hasn’t got any issues and the fact that Jade is happy to stay here says it all.’

  ‘That’s fine with me, then,’ I said. ‘I’m pleased I
can help.’

  ‘The other thing Rachel has asked me to check,’ Jill continued, ‘is that you are keeping detailed notes with a view to contributing to Jade’s parenting assessment.’

  ‘I’m keeping my log notes up to date,’ I said, ‘as I usually do.’

  ‘Good, but make sure you include details of Jade’s parenting skills and her ability to bond with Courtney. You know the sort of thing: how quickly Jade answers her baby’s cries, if she is meeting her needs, and how she interacts with Courtney through play, etc. You’re with her every day, so your report will form a crucial part of the social services’ assessment – to decide if Jade is able to look after Courtney or if she should be adopted.’ Which I really didn’t want to hear.

  Jill saw my face grow serious. ‘Don’t worry. The mother-and-baby carers are often asked to contribute to the assessment,’ she added. ‘Just write down objectively what you see.’

  I nodded and we continued downstairs but my heart was heavy. Although the foster-carer’s notes are often included by the social worker in assessments this was different. Usually my contribution was in connection with the progress the child was making but now it seemed I would be contributing to the decision on whether Jade kept or lost her baby.

  Later, after Jill had gone and Courtney had had her lunchtime feed, I persuaded Jade we should go for a walk and Jade suggested the local shops, as she wanted to buy a chocolate bar and also a new mascara. When we arrived at the small parade of shops she said she didn’t have any money, so I gave her a £10 note and then waited outside the shops with Courtney in her pram while Jade went first to the newsagent and then to the chemist. As I waited it occurred to me that although I was giving Jade her allowance and I also bought nappies, formula and anything else she or Courtney needed as part of my weekly shop, Jade never seemed to have any money. Her mobile was included in her mother’s account, so I wondered what she had been spending her money on and how she’d been spending it for since returning from hospital she hadn’t been out until today. A couple of times she’d asked Adrian to buy her sweets on the way home from school and then didn’t have the money to pay him, so I’d reimbursed him. I’d remarked casually to Jade, ‘I don’t know what you’re doing with your money,’ but she hadn’t replied and I hadn’t pursued it.